Newborn Babies Anonymous

Hello, my name is Ellyce and I am addicted…

…to newborn babies.

A month ago, my twin daughters were finally pulled from my body. With their first cries that pierced the early morning hours ended a gruelling, bed-ridden, anxiety-laden pregnancy; the bursting into existence of my girls was part of the same explosion that has transformed me into a mother… into an addict.

With so little sleep (seriously, the sleep depravation is real), I have been thinking about what makes the time between a parent and newborn so special that for the rest of the child’s life, the parent is constantly reminiscing on these “too fast” newborn baby stages. Here’s what I think:

When a newborn looks at you, there is no questioning the love that they feel for you.

In addition to their tiny needs and sweet-smelling heads, newborn babies are highly addictive because theirs is a love free from motive (footnote: my husband and I debated this point several times. In his opinion, a newborn’s love is motivated by a desire to be fed, changed, and burped. I maintain that a newborn demonstrates a motive-free love, because I don’t think they have the mental capacity yet to link the things they need with their parents yet, just like they are unaware that their own arms are within their control and attached to their bodies).

The love that adults grow accustomed to receiving is full of underlying motive, given and received for reasons like companionship, fear of being alone, sexual satisfaction, etc. In our society this motive is additionally fuelled by a desire to meet stages of a socially-accepted and traditional lifecourse: girl/boyfriend, husband/wife, father/mother. On top of that, for a number of reasons, adults have learned to question the love they receive: “Does this person love me as much as I they?” “Is this person faithful to me? Will it stay that way?” “Will this person hurt me?””What’s in it for them?”

The love received from a baby is free of all of this.

You’ll see if you continue to read my posts that addiction is not something I take lightly. My family has been broken deeply and in several ways by alcohol and drug addiction… thus, when I say that newborn babies are addictive, there is of course a negative side.

The trouble with being addicted to (your own) newborn babies… is that they grow up. They learn that love can be doled out to others, they learn that you, as a parent, are one of a range of things to be loved. The realization, often too late, that drug addicts must come to, that following the enjoyment of an intense high there is an exposed need that cannot be met without further use.

I have been hit with a double dose of newborn babies, and the addiction hooked me good ‘n deep.

Ellyce

20161010_125533.jpg
Azalea (left) and Olivia at 3 weeks old. Holding my twins together = maximum dose of newborn baby my body can handle. SEND HELP!

 

Written: October 16, 2016

3 thoughts on “Newborn Babies Anonymous

  1. Congratulations – lovely blog… I like to read about other twin mom’s experiences, thank you.
    I feel as if my story is a bit reverse from yours: Symptom-free pregnancy, fitting into my own clothes until about 36 weeks, a vaginal birth with 35 minutes of labour, both of my babes born within 5 minutes of each other at 38 weeks and a day. Came home with 2 babies and skinnier than when I got pregnant.
    My battle sneaked-up on me postpartum.
    I found it very difficult to bond at first, being so worried about meeting their needs, having an extremely hard time breastfeeding, establishing a routine with 2, etc. The pounds packed on, the worries kept me awake from the little sleep I was getting. I was so scared that this feeling of addiction which you describe would not happen to me – was I a feelingless monster? Had I made the worse mistake of my life? I was missing my old life and angry at my loss of independence. Then once I decided to make my peace with and settle into my new normal, bam! I suddenly felt excited at getting up early (which is 7:30 am for my little sleepers – they love their sleep, just like mommy) to see their little faces. I would laugh uncontrollably at their laughter, I would cry when they smiled… I have now probably delayed their rolling over and walking because I just can’t put them down! (I’m so sad that they now weigh 17 and 18.5 lbs – too big to carry at the same time anymore).
    This being said, my baby addiction kicked-in when they reached 4 months. Before then, it was a long, worrisome and emotional road. A good thing I had support and had educated myself on postpartum and life after giving birth – something we, as a society, as mothers, as women – don’t talk about enough.
    Anyhow… the reason for this long tirade is to extend myself to you – despite the addiction, momming multiples is hard. If you ever need someone to talk to, to rant, to listen… Feel free to reach out. I’m only a few months ahead of you (my guys will be 6 months on the 28th) please don’t hesitate. It’s a challenging, yet amazing and rewarding road!
    Oh, and your little ladies are precious!!!!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s